I am not fair as per Indian society standard and I have grown up with this guilt.
This thing has affected me a lot …since childhood I have been a neglected kid. My mother use to say “who will marry her” ..and her words shaped my thoughts and I felt inferior to others .
Nobody wanted to be friends with me …with this I lost the courage to even talk to people …
In school teachers use to select fair boys and girls for group song and dances …and I was made to feel worthless…
I always wondered how does it feel to be fair skinned ..and I accepted the fact that fair skinned people are superior looks wise .
And to add to my agony I got spectacles, So my collage life was totally …Not happening.
Due to my skin color and glasses I never felt like putting makeup or wearing jewelry coz I felt I will look like cartoon. So I made myself a tom boy …and used I to wear jeans t shirt always and never worn saree or suit even for functions. I used to hide are skip traditional functions.
I am working now ..can afford to use lenses and learnt to apply makeup to be presentable ….But when somebody says I am beautiful ….I never acknowledge that ..because in my mind I am ugly .
This is what society has done to be …made me underconfident loner …who put up a facade of being confident and happy person to survive.